I define myself by my productivity, my usefulness, my capacity to serve and help and give to others. Those are the ways in which I derive my self-worth. It's not healthy, probably, and it's something that I do try to work on with my therapist, but at my core, it's who I am.
Well, limit my capacity to do any of this--put me in prison, if you will--and what am I left with, at my core? Who am I?
I've lost count of the number of people who have told me that "this is a gift", and that now is the time when I should write a novel. (Why a novel? Just because I like to read them, doesn't mean I want to produce them.) And it is a gift, insofar as I've been gifted with the freakish privilege of remaining employed and only permitted to do the minimum of work. And I suppose that it's an opportunity, in so far as I can use this time to establish a sense of worth beyond my utility to others and my productivity. Because I'm not being productive. I'm sleeping a lot, and scrolling through my phone a lot, and I am not utilizing this gift.
And then I came across this article. The TL; DR: "The truth is this moment isn't a gift. It's an unwanted trial. [...] These are not conditions in which to thrive. Just get through the damn day. If that's all you accomplish, that's enough."
Is all of this a way of excusing myself for sleeping until 11:30 AM, and then taking a two hour nap at 5 PM? Maybe, but it's no less true for that reason.
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| This fool feels no guilt. Why should I? |
Daily News:
Some Instacart workers are planning a strike. I honestly wondered when this would happen. I know many people are probably thinking "how dare they do this during this time?" To which I respond: When the hell else would any of us listen to them? Certain industries have a great deal of leveraging power right now. And there's no reason--no morally sustainable reason--why these essential people should not have protections and livable wages.
The CDC issued a travel advisory for New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey. Good lord.
Daily COVID-19 count in Indiana:
1232 cases (up from yesterday's 981.)
31 folks have died.
Daily Dose of Gratitude:
Backstory: Three years ago, I had the misfortune to be living with an absolutely awful roommate (and probably human being.) She was deeply mentally unstable, and also just rather deliberately hateful. I dreaded going home, and stayed in my room with my door closed and locked whenever possible. So I am so freaking lucky to now be living in my own space, safe during this time, in a cozy, relatively spacious home, with my peace (and cats) undisturbed, unharassed. I know not everyone has that to fall back on.
Daily Funnies
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