Weekly Craft Update

Time to give my first weekly report on crafting my way through March!

At the top of the week, I had a fairly ambitious checklist of creative work at which I wanted to peck away: 

As it turns out, my ambitions outstripped my energy.

But as is so often the case, the week started to peck away at me, instead. Work left me both exhausted and tapped out, so much so that by the time I got home, I didn't have a lot left in me for the more ambitious projects. Nonetheless, I did manage to do some creative work, including:

• Blogging: So far, I'm 7/7 in terms of my goal to blog each day this month. With the help of Eldest Sister, I came up with a basic "itinerary" for each day's blog posts, subject to change. And while sometimes it's a bit of a struggle to start typing away at 10 PM when I'd really rather simply become one with the couch, I've powered through, and I am noticing that there is some truth in what Eldest says--the more you do something, the more ideas you have. 

• Knitting: Okay, so I know this one is a stretch. A year or two back, my friend Jessica taught me how to cast on, and then moved on to teach me the next step...and I just, I dunno, got stuck. It takes me a while to learn shit, okay? So I decided to perfect my ability to cast on before moving on to anything else. And then the Apocalypse happened, and I haven't had the opportunity to learn anything else from Jessica...so I just cast on, unwind, and cast on, in perpetuity. Or at least until Herd Day. Cast on, unwind, cast on...

When I do this, I feel like I am possibly the fourth Fate from Greek
mythology,the one who didn't make it past the auditions."You can't even
 properly knit; why should we let you help out with weaving the lives of
 mortals? For your hubris,we condemn you to a life of pointlessly casting on!" 
(Yes, I'm aware, that got dark fast.)

Nonetheless, Indiana is happy with this state of affairs. 

• Mandala art: My devotion to this has somewhat waxed and waned over the last few months. I don't have a very sturdy compass, which seems to be one of the basic tools of drawing mandalas. So until such time as I remedy that, I decided to do a little bit of...I dunno...doodling a hybrid of mandala/zentangles? With a little bit of mehndi for inspiration? (I want to be very very careful about cultural appropriation with regards to mehndi creations; although it seems like there is a great deal of mehndi influence in mandalas. It's often difficult to judge where one ends and the other begins.)

Personally, I feel like this is obviously very crudely executed,
 but it's freehand, dammit. That's gotta be something, right?

• Colouring:  On the nights when I was just too done in for much at all, there's my endless colouring habit. Here's what I did this week, as I binged Elementary.

I'm making very tentative travel plans to hit the beaches of Florida
over Thanksgiving, so this nautically-themed colouring
page is a happy reminder that better days are coming. 

So what about you? What are you crafting and creating right now?

Currently...

Reading: The Girl With the Louding Voice, Wild, Friends: A Cultural History, and Why We Can't Sleep

Recovering From: Annual Staff Day. This one was my fourth Staff Day; my second as a manager/leader in my organization; my first one that left me absolutely knackered. 8.5 hours surrounded by 160 very different, often very intense people is a LOT. At least we have a year to recover...

Watching: Schitt's Creek. I hope this show never ends.

Thankful for: Grocery delivery service. I seriously hate going to the grocery store, so Kroger's grocery delivery service is a literal godsend.

Dreaming: About past lives. This week, I had a dream for the third time: in it, I am back in California, back at the Rancho Mirage Public Library. I've left my home, my life in Indiana, my current job, to take on temporary work as a favor to RMPL. In the dream, I go about my work at RMPL, but am continuously plagued with a nagging doubt and worry about what I've done, and a sharp guilt, and a vague panic: Why did I do this? Why did I leave all my colleagues behind? Why am I here? Will they take me back? It's an anxiety dream, sure, but I think it's also a very obvious indication that I am not, by any means, ready to move on from my current job and employer just yet.

Wearing: Jeans and sweaters, the same handful in an incessant rotation. I'm at the point in winter where I am ready for a change in seasons, if only for a little more variety in my wardrobe. Which brings me to...

Thinking about: The concept of Hot Girl Summer. I am totally late to the game on this one, I know, and I admit, at first, when I heard this term, I envisioned groups of twenty-something hardbodies in adorable outfits, with flawless skin and no financial concerns, living their best and most beautiful lives. But then I read about how anyone can have a Hot Girl Summer, being themselves, and living their best lives and feeling gorgeous in their own skin. Well, to hell with the Hot Girl Summer--I need a Hot Mel Winter.

The Month Ahead: August

Okay, folks. It's August. We are deep in the throes of the dog days of summer, but the end is getting closer. The other day, I saw a few leaves that were a rusty brown, standing out against the green of the trees surrounding them. And the day after tomorrow, school starts.

There haven't been too many lazy summer days for me this summer, but whatever leisure I enjoyed is about to become a distant memory...

Top Three Things I'm Focusing On This Month

1. Main Hustle
My boss retired yesterday. I'd only worked under her directly for a few months, and we worked hard and closely to make sure I got all the training she could impart, but the nature of our work meant that plans and schedules changed fast and often, and we didn't always have a chance to work together. She was phenomenal--and now she's gone. While I always want to be present and supportive to my team, I feel like it's very important in the weeks ahead for me to lean into those responsibilities, since my boss's replacement is not yet in place. And there's so much work to do!

2. Side Hustles 
When it rains, it pours. And right at the same time that my Main Hustle is experiencing big changes and opportunities, my side hustles of caregiving and instructing a graduate-level class are starting back up again. I'm not sure I will be able to teach again after this fall...while I am by no means long in the tooth, I am getting to a point where I need to be willing to pause and assess and focus on what's most important. But in the meantime, I'm organizing and reviewing my notes, reading pedagogical articles and books, and maaaaaaaaybe indulging in a little bot of back-to-school supply shopping. But no lie, my schedule is going to be very demanding this fall, and I've only got a couple more weeks before that schedule starts.

3. Me (Duh)
Since there's so much going on in my work life, and so many demands on my time, I know I need to be vigilant in self-care and boundaries. This means trying to be mindful about some things, like setting alarms to remind me to drink water, and saying no to other things, like extra social plans when there are too many other things still to tend to. It means forcing myself to do things that I don't wanna do, like the dreaded exercise thing, and not cancelling counseling appointments, and eating things that maybe have at least some pretentions to nutrition.

If I am not taking care of myself, I'm not going to be able to take care of others.

There is some fun stuff coming up this month, though. My North Star, Brian, is flying for a long weekend just before classes start, and we're going to have an action-packed weekend up in Indy. There's a Smashing Pumpkins concert, and a day at the State Fair (I think this is becoming an annual tradition), and another day meandering around rural Southern Indiana, and maybe something special will be happening to my tattoo. 

So, that's an overview of the the big stuff happening in my life this August. There are a lot of smaller goals and ideas that I want to tackle--getting drapes hung in my apartment, and making some meals to freeze, and getting my car detailed, and reading some books, but those are the details that will eventually, hopefully fill in the big picture. We'll see how that picture looks at the end of this month.

Onward!

Currently (Late February 2017 Edition)

Thinking: 
About life and death, of course, and the endless numbered days that march on between the beginning and the end. During the day, I am at the grandparents' house, cleaning out closets and organizing shit. At night, I am at Eldest's house, drinking wine and texting my friends and trying to sort through decades' worth of cards, letters, photos, and the like. At one point, I came across a journal that I had gotten for Mawga back in Christmas of 1994, and she had actually written in it. At the end of the first page, she reflected, "I still have so much of God's work to do-I have wasted too many years."

It's sad that she would think so...but I also think we all feel like that. I know that, on a bad day, that's how I feel about much of the last decade. Which cannot be altered, of course--the only thing that can be altered is how I think about it, so that one day I won't see them as wasted years.

Listening: 
Before flying to Florida to be with the sisters, I was muddling through my last days of work. This meant making a lot of lists and trying to stick to them, occasionally sitting very still with a thousand-yard-stare, and listening to a lot of music that, quite predictably, would make me cry. At some point, I acquired a lick of sense, and decided to turn to Amazon Prime for some musical variety. Which is how I came across The Dropkick Murphys. I'd heard some of their music before, of course, but much like with books, sometimes, you just have to be in a certain frame of mind to get it. Which is why, right now, I am taking every opportunity I can to assault my eardrums with this rollicking, life-affirming, brutal, joyously rude Celtic punk band.

Reading: 
When shit hits the fan, and change is upon me, I'm usually not up for reading new stuff. Who knows how the story will end? I don't need that uncertainty. That's why I'm (re)reading The Secret Garden right now. If you've not had the opportunity to read this classic, you're a deprived and possibly depraved person. Books don't have to be complex, weighty tomes to celebrate the healing joys of nature and friendship.

Eating: 
Oh god, nothing much at present. For about a week before Mawga passed away, I was on a godawful antibiotic that suppressed my appetite, made me nauseous, and got my heart up past 100 beats per minute. I'm off the meds, thank god, but it's still hard to choke down food. I'm more okay with this than I should be--at this point in my life, I'm pretty happy and confident in how I look, other than my weight, so if this little anxiety/depression diet kicks off the necessary weight loss, I'm fine with it.

Watching: 
Before everything went to hell last week, Friend John had introduced me to House, one of the many, many TV shows I've missed out on. It's entertaining and distracting, although I fear I'm going to become a hypochondriac and self-diagnose every twitch and ache as some obscure illness. Except for lupus, of course.

Doing:
It's difficult to do from down here in the Deep South, but I am trying to prepare for a move...in late January, I signed a lease on an apartment that I can literally see from where I live now. Thank god, Bethany is moving up in early March, so I'll have family close by to heckle me and help me keep me busy. And in the meantime, there are utilities to set up and things to coordinate. And when I get home, there will be boxes to pack and haul and stores to visit, and strapping male friends to chivvy into moving my furniture.

Basically, at the moment, there's a great deal of "hurry up and wait." I'm in a much better place than I was last week, and I am becoming eager to return home to Indiana, to the waiting spring, to the community of friends I've built up, to the work I do, to the life I've made for myself. More than anything, I can leave Florida with a feeling of happy anticipation, rather than the grim resignation that I used to feel when I had to return to California. I am going to leave Florida, and return home to Indiana, the land of my grandparents, and take a tiny measure of comfort in that.

Currently (1/5/2017 Version)

Watching
In the current climate, I think that regressing to The West Wing years is an entirely appropriate response.

Reading
Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates: I'm actually listening to this right now; it's the first time in a long time I've listened to an audiobook. Yet, oddly, it works: so much of the time, we spend our time listening to other people talk just so that we can answer, and it's good that I am listening to an indictment of white people and white privilege without having someone to respond to and provide vain denials.

Listening
Courtesy of Amazon Prime, I've been exploring more of the music of Balmorhea. I first discovered (okay, was exposed to them) through Eldest about seven years ago, just before my wedding. I spent many hours scrapbooking my wedding preparations and listening to their music, and so there are some heavy associations there. I'm branching out a bit and listening to some of their other creations, so that in years to come, when I hear them, I won't be thinking of narcissistic men, wasted craft supplies, and sweltering summers, but instead, cold winters, a vague sense of limbo, and the never-ending curiosity of what comes next?

Using
Living in a college town, being surrounded by all these fresh, young faces, not being the youngest person in the room, is a bit of a disconcerting thing, and more than once, I've turned a sharp eye at those age (sun? liver?) spots and fine lines that are crowding around my eyes. So I caved and got some of the good stuff: Estee Lauder products geared towards Advanced Night repair. Is it working? Probably not, but it IS giving me pimples, so perhaps the clock IS turning back on my face.

Loving
Fuzzy socks. It gets COLD at night, people, and finally, I have a reason to use them!