Another day into this, and my health is still sound--and to the best of my knowledge, so is the health of my immediate family, friends, and colleagues. The sadness that lurked yesterday has retreated for the moment, but here's what's been haunting me today: guilt. I've done what I can do financially. I'm as trapped at home as most of us are. I am part of a mutual aid group for my county Facebook, and the requests for help--money, food, transportation, shelter--are heartbreaking. Just as sobering--the thing is, so many of the folks struggling now were the folks who have been struggling for a long while; it was this catastrophe that set so many of them over the edge into this terrible place of need. And in my safe, comfortable home, I watch the offers for aid come in, aid from strangers, to strangers. And I look at my bank account and my pantry and think, how much more can I spare? what else can I do while still taking care of myself and the Prof?
In this war, we (the people staying the fuck at home) are, quite literally, the home front. The doctors and nurses are the soldiers. The politicians are...well, the politicians, same as always. Some of them dishonest, incompetent, and trying to protect their filthy lucre; others are doing right and trying to protect their constituents. And then there are others who are silent heroes, like the people who are coordinating mutual aid efforts. Maybe they akin to the first-responders who come and dig people out of the rubble and aftermath of a bomb? Anyway, it's hard to be one of the people having to "sit out" on this war, and there is always more help needed, more people suffering. It's hard to watch, and harder still to feel useless.
Something that I stumbled across, which can maybe help me (and anyone else who cares for it) to keep things in perspective and try to be kind to myself:
I "saw" my therapist today, through the wonders of teh Interwebs, and she reminded me of what I've been saying, too--this is unprecedented. All of it. Sure, plagues have happened throughout history, but never in a world as hyper-connected as ours currently is. So we (I) need to have a reasonable expectation of how much I, one person, can do. None of us should do nothing--we should each do our own personal best to help others--but what that personal best is will change from day to day. And no one else can decide what my personal best is. It's...well, personal.
My personal best today was tending to lots of chores and trying to do a little yoga, and responsibly using my groceries, and feeling a hell of a lot of guilt as I looked through the Mutual Aid Facebook page to see what I could help with. My personal best in the evening was succumbing to FOMO, plopping down on the couch, and watching Tiger King. If this is what the apocalypse is--forcing us to choose between exposure to COVID-19 and being white-trashed to death by Joe Exotic, I'm not sure I'm down for this version of the end of the world.
I'll leave you with this actual quote--something I said to the cats today: "Shoot, my work meeting is in 15 minutes. Time to put on a bra." Something else I didn't anticipate being part of this version--hell, any version--of the apocalypse.
Daily Indiana COVID-19 Count:
2,159 (up from yesterday's 1786.)
49 people have died.
Daily News:
Everything is awful. NEXT.
The Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluations released interesting projections of what this upcoming month will be like. Spoiler alert: Indiana is projected to hit peak resource use on April 18. Buckle up, y'all--this is gonna be like preparing for the most slow moving hurricane ever. Unless you're in Florida; in which case, don't bother with anything. Jackasses.
Daily Gratitude:
Netflix Parties! Seriously. To be fair, I've doing a version of this for the past five years. But hey, if watching Tiger King with your sisters in Florida (one totally, not-at-all real example) keeps everyone staying the fuck at home, whatever. Thank goodness for it!
Daily Funnies:
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